the lone wolf mourns

the heart cries, the tears roll
the soul burns, but life must go on.
for those who survive, will i labour
to love and no more withhold,
for death has taught me
no more to take for granted
what is best and beautiful in my life.

The lonely traveller

I stood parched in a desert.
My travels brought me here.
I determined to endure the travails
of crossing the cruel desert,
to move on before the harsh sun burnt me down.

The fates conspired to lead me out.
I ran into a flower bed.
The desert winds struck me senseless,
the fragrant flower bed carried the whiff of life.

I opened my eyes and in my gaze lay
all kinds of beautiful flowers.
Some were plain and simple
and there, spread in the center,
were some exquisite roses.

I thought of gathering them all,
my heart craved for this gentle sea of beauty.
This fragrant balm to soothe the burn of the desert.
But a voice rang out:
'Choose but one! Choose wisely & well!
Choose one that suits you most,
one that'll make you happy & bring you serenity,
And that its fragrance constantly remind you, that you are blessed
For you have emerged from the desert, scathed yet stronger!'

I stand humbled by this gift,
I stand pondering,
How should I choose?

For I must pick my rose and move on
to chart a new course of discovery.
For it is the rose that makes me stronger, fills my heart with love,
colours my dreams with meaning.

So how do I choose?
Do I choose the red one,
It brings me the crimson rush of vitality.

Do I choose the blue one,
It bathes my weary mind in a sea of peace and tranquility.

Or maybe the pink one,
For it lifts my spirits in a dance of joy!

The fail-safe cow & other modern day wonders

I just moved to a one-bedroom apartment in the western sububs.
Hand in hand with the thrill came the fatigue and a 'too lazy to start the day' feeling!
You know, the kind of thing that makes you switch off the alarm at 6.30 am and say 'a few minutes more...' :)
On day one, that's what happened.
In that half-asleep state, I was jolted awake at exactly 6.50 am by the loud moo-ing of a cow right in front of my building.
I stepped through the morning with an ironic feeling: a rooster to start the day - okay. A cow - wow!

What's more - it happened again on day 2! Dot 6.50 am. I thought to myself: wow, a failsafe cow! Its better than keeping an alarm in the next room.

love is...

what we make of it.

its not a big fuss.
not a peacock dance.
but a feeling.
you could bask in its warm glow
or roast in its fiery flames,

it could wing you to the heights of heaven,
or damn you to the depths of hell.

you don't need no quartet playing love songs
ringing inside your head.
when you're in love.
you just know it.

Yesterday

The day before you walked up and asked if I was upset.
You said it felt so.
I denied, but it was true.
you could sense it:
the way i stayed away, and my eyes refused to connect with yours,
where till now my gaze had always seemed to lock
like a ship in search of a beacon!

its funny, i was angry, suspicious, nay I believed,
that this constant companion of yours was now more
than a friend. that you chose him over me. i couldn't
confront you, for i had never told you i loved you,
in words or in deeds (though i fancy my eyes betrayed me often).

yet i always longed for your love, and before my jealous fears
conquered me, my eyes always searched for you bright sunshine.
perhaps i was a fool:
to not say how i felt,
or to not know my feelings well. ( Aye, at times
to me that seems my greatest failing, whence I cannot
fathom an answer to the questions: Who Am I? What do I want? )

For by when I decided to let you know, you seemed far gone.
Was it the missed chance to frolic in the sands of beauty,
to let the swaying fronds bear testimony to the growing winds of love.
A costly miss, a lost kiss. Alas. But nothing stands on the quicksand of regret.
And so perchance it sucked me under.

And then you walked up the day before, and asked if i was upset.
it certainly felt so. i denied it but it was true.

and yet by even time i was quaking with feelings for you.
i resolved to tell you the next morning that I loved you.

i often think i don't know who i am. but i seem to know my shortcomings all too well.
they handicap me. they seem to have grown larger than life in my thoughts, rendering my
self-image tamed and torn. i don't believe i know how to tame lady love. nay i never have.

yet i resolved to tell you the next morning that I loved you.

the day came, but always the moment seemed inopportune.
too many people around, no space to talk, you running off into meetings.

I gazed at you but I sensed that my gaze had started to offend you,
maybe i was a fool to not say it for so long, maybe you saw my gaze of love
as an invasion of your space. who's to tell. but i could sense its too late.

Even your smile is not the warm smile it used to be,
replaced now with a artificial one, as if my sight irritates you.

ah but it seems i lost you.
its funny, how it seems like you are the one, how my day was spent in trepidation of the thought of
losing you. I was driven to desperation, wanting to grab the chance to catch you and tell you right then. But that would have been pointless too.

For i can see from your eyes that you no longer favour me.
A lost cause.

Found anew, and lost in the space of one day.
yesterday!

Mid-Week Getaway

This year, Diwali provided a much awaited opportunity for a mini-break. Stole away on the morning of Nov 1 and spent 2 lovely days at Hotel Uran Plaza, nestled right on Uran Beach.

The final 100-yards' access is through a rainwater channel that transports you to another world. Its like rumbling through a jungle track!

The Plaza itself is a cozy little place in the middle of nowhere. It's peaceful and affords a cool getaway: lunch laid out amidst a plantation of tall pines, delicious seafood & continental preparations a-la-carte, large coconut plantations and the beach for a little stroll & swim. Detox!



One of the attractions of the place is the Retired Admiral John Pereira who owns & manages the Hotel. Cousin to Ronnie Pereira (who served as Chief of Naval Staff from 79 to 82), the Admiral is a charming gentleman. He likes to enquire on his guests, providing the chance for a little tete-a-tete. Still sprightly & energetic, as his granddaughter puts it 'going on 18'. Good man, fun to listen to.

An Ode to NCST-K

A year has passed unlike any other.
I stop to take stock,
of how we stand transformed,
and the things and people that have changed us.

When we first stepped through your doors,
we had no idea of what was in store for us.
We knew the syllabus ‘tis true,
but didn’t know how much hair we’d lose
in getting to learn it.

We knew we’d find teachers, we didn’t expect
to find mentors who spurred us on in the face of odds.

We joined a reputed training institute, we were
surprised to find a world-class learning institution,
with facilities unmatched and commitment unparalleled.

‘Tis rarely that you find a place filled
with people who want to see you learn,
and take the the pains to make it happen.

A place filled with guides and inspiration,
chock-full with endeavour,
such a place is NCST.

To name a few, would be to miss many more,
and unfair to the many individual contributions
that have made this experience so special.

And so we thank you all,
The Administration and Security for planning to perfection and looking after us,
the Faculty for your unflinching commitment,
the Support Staff for keeping the lab going 24x7x365,
the TAs for your technical and emotional support in times of deep misery (read Projects --> deep mess --> messiah),
the Canteen Staff for feeding us (and I don’t care what people say – I love NCST’s lunch),
the gardeners for the thankless job of maintaining such a scenic campus come rain or shine,
the Placement Support team for landing us our daily bread (& better :),
and the higher authorities for conceiving and enabling such an incredible institution.

We carry with us a wealth of learning and memories of many happy moments shared and bonds built with you and amongst ourselves.

These, we will cherish forever. And for that Thank You!

for FPGDST 04-05