Been feeling the blues lately. Like I'm living in pointless pursuit.
Chasing one errand after another. And in the end they often seem
pointless.
Lost in confusion over where to dive into an endless pile of urgent
chores. They all seem important.
A spark of inspiration strikes the deadwood of confusion, and lights
the fire I need, to guide the path of my decisions.
I ask myself, if I did xyz task now, committed to this project, what
difference will it make to the quality of my life? Exactly how would I
feel once I've completed it?
8/12/2009
5/10/2009
A prayer - for relationships
Dear God,
Grant me the ability to realize when someone close to me is living in
anxiety - over present or future. Help me reassure them that no matter
what life may bear, I will always stand by them - good times and bad.
Grant me the wisdom to understand that relationships are difficult -
they test the closest bonds the most. Give me the strength of
character to always believe in the other person and boulder my resolve
to never give up on them. May I always treat the other as a part of me
and never disown them. May I never hold back my affection and thereby
condemn them to pain in life.
Grant me the ability to realize when someone close to me is living in
anxiety - over present or future. Help me reassure them that no matter
what life may bear, I will always stand by them - good times and bad.
Grant me the wisdom to understand that relationships are difficult -
they test the closest bonds the most. Give me the strength of
character to always believe in the other person and boulder my resolve
to never give up on them. May I always treat the other as a part of me
and never disown them. May I never hold back my affection and thereby
condemn them to pain in life.
4/30/2009
Thoughts of sadness and new experiences
Woke up and was thinking while brushing, at about the exact moment, 6:10
marks one month to the day and minute that changed my surviving family's
life. One of those numb moments you pass through in a sense of stupor,
yet tinged with sadness.
Today was also the first time I exercised my franchise as a voter.
Why? Your conscience feels lighter -- you perceive yourself making a
difference, even if the difference is only to your conscience.
As a city bred I partake in the belief that most politicos are corrupt
and hold a bandicoot-like image of them looting public funds in
collusion with public works contractors -- of whom I also hold a
particular dislike.
I also believe that it is the masses - uneducated and morally unsteady -
who hold a sway over who wins. Of these I hold particular disdain for
the lower middle class mentality of seeking personal favours from
locally elected representatives, of the 'jumping the queue' kind. This
is symbolic of a lack of vision where people vote for narrow regional
interests, rather than keeping in mind which party or manifesto can best
provide stability, economic progress and national development -- and I'm
not citing names.
About the experience, what surprised me was the absence of queues.
marks one month to the day and minute that changed my surviving family's
life. One of those numb moments you pass through in a sense of stupor,
yet tinged with sadness.
Today was also the first time I exercised my franchise as a voter.
Why? Your conscience feels lighter -- you perceive yourself making a
difference, even if the difference is only to your conscience.
As a city bred I partake in the belief that most politicos are corrupt
and hold a bandicoot-like image of them looting public funds in
collusion with public works contractors -- of whom I also hold a
particular dislike.
I also believe that it is the masses - uneducated and morally unsteady -
who hold a sway over who wins. Of these I hold particular disdain for
the lower middle class mentality of seeking personal favours from
locally elected representatives, of the 'jumping the queue' kind. This
is symbolic of a lack of vision where people vote for narrow regional
interests, rather than keeping in mind which party or manifesto can best
provide stability, economic progress and national development -- and I'm
not citing names.
About the experience, what surprised me was the absence of queues.
3/31/2009
the lone wolf mourns
the heart cries, the tears roll
the soul burns, but life must go on.
for those who survive, will i labour
to love and no more withhold,
for death has taught me
no more to take for granted
what is best and beautiful in my life.
the soul burns, but life must go on.
for those who survive, will i labour
to love and no more withhold,
for death has taught me
no more to take for granted
what is best and beautiful in my life.
12/02/2008
The lonely traveller
I stood parched in a desert.
My travels brought me here.
I determined to endure the travails
of crossing the cruel desert,
to move on before the harsh sun burnt me down.
The fates conspired to lead me out.
I ran into a flower bed.
The desert winds struck me senseless,
the fragrant flower bed carried the whiff of life.
I opened my eyes and in my gaze lay
all kinds of beautiful flowers.
Some were plain and simple
and there, spread in the center,
were some exquisite roses.
I thought of gathering them all,
my heart craved for this gentle sea of beauty.
This fragrant balm to soothe the burn of the desert.
But a voice rang out:
'Choose but one! Choose wisely & well!
Choose one that suits you most,
one that'll make you happy & bring you serenity,
And that its fragrance constantly remind you, that you are blessed
For you have emerged from the desert, scathed yet stronger!'
I stand humbled by this gift,
I stand pondering,
How should I choose?
For I must pick my rose and move on
to chart a new course of discovery.
For it is the rose that makes me stronger, fills my heart with love,
colours my dreams with meaning.
So how do I choose?
Do I choose the red one,
It brings me the crimson rush of vitality.
Do I choose the blue one,
It bathes my weary mind in a sea of peace and tranquility.
Or maybe the pink one,
For it lifts my spirits in a dance of joy!
My travels brought me here.
I determined to endure the travails
of crossing the cruel desert,
to move on before the harsh sun burnt me down.
The fates conspired to lead me out.
I ran into a flower bed.
The desert winds struck me senseless,
the fragrant flower bed carried the whiff of life.
I opened my eyes and in my gaze lay
all kinds of beautiful flowers.
Some were plain and simple
and there, spread in the center,
were some exquisite roses.
I thought of gathering them all,
my heart craved for this gentle sea of beauty.
This fragrant balm to soothe the burn of the desert.
But a voice rang out:
'Choose but one! Choose wisely & well!
Choose one that suits you most,
one that'll make you happy & bring you serenity,
And that its fragrance constantly remind you, that you are blessed
For you have emerged from the desert, scathed yet stronger!'
I stand humbled by this gift,
I stand pondering,
How should I choose?
For I must pick my rose and move on
to chart a new course of discovery.
For it is the rose that makes me stronger, fills my heart with love,
colours my dreams with meaning.
So how do I choose?
Do I choose the red one,
It brings me the crimson rush of vitality.
Do I choose the blue one,
It bathes my weary mind in a sea of peace and tranquility.
Or maybe the pink one,
For it lifts my spirits in a dance of joy!
11/22/2008
QBQ - The Question Behind the Question. By John G. Miller
Every now and then you come across a book that makes its point really well. QBQ (2005, Penguin) is one such book every organisation should gift each employee.
I've often fallen trap to feeling helpless and blaming circumstances for things gone wrong. Here's a readable & racy book that makes a case for stopping the 'victim' mentality and provides insights to 'fly the plane differently' when the engine shuts down on you.
It's all about asking the right questions and personal accountability! ''What can I do today to solve the problem?"
One of my favorite anecdotes from the book is about beating the ref. In sports as in life we often have situations where things seemingly out of our control prevent us from achieving our goals. Like a match referee who makes a couple of questionable calls against you. ''It doesn't matter how close the match is... If you want to win, you must be good enough to beat the ref". You must work to become so good that you succeed in the face of all odds - be the unquestionable victor, not the victim!
Miller exhorts you to be a leader, a person with integrity, and an agent of change. And above all, start with yourself.
I've often fallen trap to feeling helpless and blaming circumstances for things gone wrong. Here's a readable & racy book that makes a case for stopping the 'victim' mentality and provides insights to 'fly the plane differently' when the engine shuts down on you.
It's all about asking the right questions and personal accountability! ''What can I do today to solve the problem?"
One of my favorite anecdotes from the book is about beating the ref. In sports as in life we often have situations where things seemingly out of our control prevent us from achieving our goals. Like a match referee who makes a couple of questionable calls against you. ''It doesn't matter how close the match is... If you want to win, you must be good enough to beat the ref". You must work to become so good that you succeed in the face of all odds - be the unquestionable victor, not the victim!
Miller exhorts you to be a leader, a person with integrity, and an agent of change. And above all, start with yourself.
9/20/2008
The fail-safe cow & other modern day wonders
I just moved to a one-bedroom apartment in the western sububs.
Hand in hand with the thrill came the fatigue and a 'too lazy to start the day' feeling!
You know, the kind of thing that makes you switch off the alarm at 6.30 am and say 'a few minutes more...' :)
On day one, that's what happened.
In that half-asleep state, I was jolted awake at exactly 6.50 am by the loud moo-ing of a cow right in front of my building.
I stepped through the morning with an ironic feeling: a rooster to start the day - okay. A cow - wow!
What's more - it happened again on day 2! Dot 6.50 am. I thought to myself: wow, a failsafe cow! Its better than keeping an alarm in the next room.
Hand in hand with the thrill came the fatigue and a 'too lazy to start the day' feeling!
You know, the kind of thing that makes you switch off the alarm at 6.30 am and say 'a few minutes more...' :)
On day one, that's what happened.
In that half-asleep state, I was jolted awake at exactly 6.50 am by the loud moo-ing of a cow right in front of my building.
I stepped through the morning with an ironic feeling: a rooster to start the day - okay. A cow - wow!
What's more - it happened again on day 2! Dot 6.50 am. I thought to myself: wow, a failsafe cow! Its better than keeping an alarm in the next room.
8/17/2008
Knowing me, knowing you
Watched Ashutosh Gowariker's Jodhaa-Akbar on tv today. It was beautiful, well directed and acted. Let down by film editing in parts, but worth watching.
In one scene, Jodhaa tells a remorseful Jalaaluddin he knows to conquer but not to rule. You may conquer a person's body but to rule their heart you have to peek into their soul through the window of their mind. When you understand the little thoughts, likes and dislikes that make a person who they truly are, only then do you show true respect and win their heart.
Isn't that striking in our times of instant gratification. Today we implicitly expect an instant connection between two hearts, our own and whoever else catches our fancy. We try to find out and do little things to catch that person's attention, like gifting, being cool and all that, but do we take the trouble of knowing them really well. I want to connect with you and I want it to happen now baby, otherwise you can go take a walk! Is an instant, or 15 minutes, or a few hours enough to gauge a person? I don't know, it's hard to tell.
First impressions often make or mar a relationship. And getting to know someone better can either grow your respect for them or scare you away altogether. Sometimes people project themselves as one thing & turn out very different, and you realise they are keeping secrets or being manipulative.
Either way I think true respect and love can only grow where there is trust, no secrets, and complete understanding. That's one thing I want to work on - understanding - and by that I mean respecting enough not to deride, another person's wishes and desires, however incongruent I might consider them with my own thoughts.
Understanding - such a simple word, with so much meaning. Getting to know a person's thoughts, likes and dislikes. Not shooting down their proposals because they seem so unlike what you believe in, staying open to someone else.
Maybe that's one reason I like the movie so much.
In one scene, Jodhaa tells a remorseful Jalaaluddin he knows to conquer but not to rule. You may conquer a person's body but to rule their heart you have to peek into their soul through the window of their mind. When you understand the little thoughts, likes and dislikes that make a person who they truly are, only then do you show true respect and win their heart.
Isn't that striking in our times of instant gratification. Today we implicitly expect an instant connection between two hearts, our own and whoever else catches our fancy. We try to find out and do little things to catch that person's attention, like gifting, being cool and all that, but do we take the trouble of knowing them really well. I want to connect with you and I want it to happen now baby, otherwise you can go take a walk! Is an instant, or 15 minutes, or a few hours enough to gauge a person? I don't know, it's hard to tell.
First impressions often make or mar a relationship. And getting to know someone better can either grow your respect for them or scare you away altogether. Sometimes people project themselves as one thing & turn out very different, and you realise they are keeping secrets or being manipulative.
Either way I think true respect and love can only grow where there is trust, no secrets, and complete understanding. That's one thing I want to work on - understanding - and by that I mean respecting enough not to deride, another person's wishes and desires, however incongruent I might consider them with my own thoughts.
Understanding - such a simple word, with so much meaning. Getting to know a person's thoughts, likes and dislikes. Not shooting down their proposals because they seem so unlike what you believe in, staying open to someone else.
Maybe that's one reason I like the movie so much.
7/26/2008
The Keymaker & The Gatekeeper
Was reading John Battelle's 'The Search' and couldn't help thinking about Keanu starrer: 'The Matrix'.
Fitting that a movie on machines grown self-aware and intelligent enough to control the world, draws parallels to some amazing stories from the real world.
The Matrix trilogy featured a Key Maker. A grand master who could make all the keys to unlock the mysterious passages of the Matrix.
And back in the nascent days of the web, (which imho is the closest thing we have to the foundation that could lead to anything remotely like the Matrix), DEC created the Gatekeeper!
The Gatekeeper was a machine with vast amounts of storage and (for its time) an incredibly fat pipe to the Internet.
DEC created the Gatekeeper in the spirit of the public good, and it served as a place for anyone to store and share their files.
Kind of the thing that would have made people's spine tingle in those days. Just like the Matrix. :)
7/20/2008
Links for advanced JavaScript, Prototype
http://www.sergiopereira.com/articles/advjs.html -- has JavaScript changed? (JSON, Function Objects, Class prototype)
http://www.sergiopereira.com/articles/prototype.js.html - Unofficial reference to Prototype
http://www.tutorialspoint.com/prototype/prototype_overview.htm
http://www.sitepoint.com/article/painless-javascript-prototype
http://particletree.com/features/quick-guide-to-prototype/
http://www.sergiopereira.com/articles/prototype.js.html - Unofficial reference to Prototype
http://www.tutorialspoint.com/prototype/prototype_overview.htm
http://www.sitepoint.com/article/painless-javascript-prototype
http://particletree.com/features/quick-guide-to-prototype/
https://ajax.dev.java.net/ - JMaki
7/15/2008
7/02/2008
Spare a thought
you see an image.
a squirrel in the grip of a cat.
you think, how heartless!
but its just food.
a squirrel in the grip of a cat.
you think, how heartless!
but its just food.
you see another image.
nurses triaging the wounded
at Pearl Harbor,
marking a chalk cross
on the helmet of a bleeding soldier
with little chance of survival.
you think how could this be happening.
but its only survival of the fittest.
yet you see so much more
and scarcely spare a thought.
the greed of ruthless contractors
-- who cares to stop them,
the moral corruption of politicians
-- who could be moved to replace them.
you see so much more.
but you don't feel...
So you don't think,
so you don't do.
You make do.
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